He met the former model in 2007, divorced his 2nd wife Cecelia late last year, and married Bruni within months.

I wish them all the best but his standing on the global stage has really taken a tumble … whirlwind romances are all well and good but this one has ‘short-term’ written all over it.

Jeremy James Anthony Gibson Beadle

In the 90′s “Beadles About” was in full swing and I was working as a cameraman. A job came my way and off I went to the location. I met the rest of the crew and was introduced to the host, Jeremy Beadle. My job was to follow Jeremy as he scattered fun in every direction.

At the time, Jeremy seemed to be the target of many a journalist’s poisoned pen, which was odd as this man was one of the brightest and most professional people I have ever worked with. It’s only a shame that some of today’s presenters can’t be more like him: gracious, professional and a decent human being.

One of the best day’s work I’ve had in 28 years …

His knowledge of the media bred contempt and here’s an example of how media-savvy he was: a few years ago at the Edinburgh TV Festival, he spelt out a warning to newcomers to the industry, “Never respond to the reporter who promises you the chance to give your side of the story. That means, ‘Kiss me because I am going to rape you anyway’.”

Beadle will always be about …

So let’s put a few irons into the fire and see who gets worked up into a frenzy … let’s see where this goes, shall we?

Nicolas Sarkosy, the President of France and his bride to be, the new First Lady (pictured). Do we care that she counts ex-lovers in order to get to sleep at night? Do we care that little Nicolas is both the youngest and smallest lover she’s had? What a superb advertisement for the country she truly is. By the way, you won’t see any anti-Sarko or anti-Carla stuff in the French newspapers – Nico’s friends own the media.

Amy Winehouse is currently ‘battling her drug addiction’. Really? Then why was a video if her ‘battling this addiction’ shown across the globe of her smoking crack cocaine while, at the same time, the public face of this silly bint is saying “it really is a problem and I’m doing my best to give up drugs”. If she wants to end up a drooling ninny by the time she’s 40, then let her. Life is hard and we all have to make decisions – not all of us have the same parachute-style bank balance to make it easier.

Pete Doherty. Lost cause – completely. No judge dares to jail the little twerp.

The Oscars may be cancelled due to the on-going writers strike. Who cares that the Golden Globes were nothing short of a press conference? Who cares that the Oscars may end up being the same style of presentation? Is all mutal handjobs anyway. Give the money away to charity and stop being so ‘me me me’ all the tie.

Hollywood Publicists seem to revel in the fact that one mention of one of their clients falling pregnant has the media clambering for details. I feel it would be far more newsworthy if the starlette in question could positively identify the father …

Britney Spears … I just can’t see the point. A career launched in 1999 and, to date, has sold 88 million records worldwide. She’s only 26 and the mother of two children and divorced. However, she’s a multi-millionairess … give someone of immature years so much money (as she was when she hit it big-time) and that’s what you get. People bouncing off the walls and in all sorts of emotion states … a state which the Hollywood media lap up like thirsty dogs.

English Premier Soccer Players are much like Britney. Young, rich and stupid. There’s a constant stream of spotty youths in ill-fitting suits, paying cautionary fines to British courts as they will insist on ‘going out on the town’ and beating some poor sod up.

I’m feeling a lot better now and, like myself, I thank you for not caring …

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, Tsar Nick was photographed at Disneyland Paris with former model, now singer, Carla Bruni. A more wholesome family photograph you couldn’t have hoped for, his press office directing the show with just about the right amount of ‘tackiness’. 

Europe’s shortest leader (but with the largest carbon footprint) jumped into another plane with his new ‘love’ on Christmas Eve and jetted off to the Egyptian resort of Luxor – care of billionaire buddy Vincent Bolloré.

This was such a low-key event that Tsarsko waved at onlookers as the pair arrived at their luxury hotel. Security was as tight as a nats chuff and plain-clothed cops were deployed around the town. Two journalists were briefly detained on Monday night after filming the couple’s hotel.

Sarkosy, 52, divorced his wife and former model Cecelia, after 11 years of marriage last October. Now he’s picked up with another ‘former’ who, if you can handle the shock, has launched another career as a singer/songwriter. Bruni has been linked to men including Mick Jagger, Donald Trump and Eric Clapton, making Sarko not only the youngest but shortest lover. She’s only 39, so she’s packed them in somewhat.

It might be useful to learn that both Carla and her talent have been signed to the ‘Naive’ label. There’s a message in there somewhere.

It’s a shame Christmas isn’t something you celebrate, because I’ve got just the thing for you …

In September, her class of 23 seven year olds voted to name a class teddy bear. ‘Mohammed’ was the name chosen by 20 out of 23 children. Once before the judge, Mrs Gibbons apologised to the court for any offence she may have caused and angry reaction to her sentence came swiftly from religious heads, politicians, the public and Sudanese alike.

- Britain’s Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, said he could not “see any justification” and called it an “absurdly disproportionate response to a minor cultural faux pas”.

- David Miliband, Britain’s Foreign Secretary said that he was “extremely disappointed” and repeated his view that it had been an “innocent misunderstanding by a dedicated teacher”.

- Catherine Wolthuizen, chief executive of Fair Trials International, said that 15 days in a Sudanese prison for such an “innocent misunderstanding a serious and harsh punishment”.

- Mike Blakemore, of Amnesty International said “The sentence is a mockery of justice and we consider Gillian to be a prisoner of conscience”.

- Ibrahim Mogra of The Muslim Council of Britain called the sentence “completely unjustified” and “I’m utterly disappointed with this decision”.

- Sudanese blogger, Amjad, wrote “Why are they assuming that the teddy bear was named after our prophet? This is really stupid!”.

- A comment on the same blog said “Unbelievable. And totally outrageous … More excellent PR for Islam, and the forward thinking, rational, Muslim community”.

- Malcolm Moss, a Conseravtive member of the Commons foreign affairs committee said “It is tokenism by the Sudanese government. If they had really felt she had insulted Islam, they would have sentenced her to much longer. It seems they are scoring points.” However, he went on criticise the British government “Our government dithered over intervening and this is what happens. We should have been a lot tougher, a lot sooner.”

And what of Sudan’s top clerics? Well, they called for the full measure of the law to be used against Ms Gibbons and labelled her actions “part of a Western plot against Islam”. So, you can see what the poor woman is up against. Despite the best intentions of the British Consular staff, Ms Gibbons was taken off to Omdurman women’s prison in Khartoum. And, by all accounts, it’s not exactly the Hilton.

So, upon Ms Gibbons’ return to the UK I wouldn’t blame the poor woman her if she cashed in on her experiences, sold her exclusive story to the highest-bidder and didn’t donate a single penny to 3rd World education. But I doubt it.

Talking of that, I rather expect that the British Tabloid Press (the most vicious on the planet) will conduct their own witch-hunt in pursuing and exposing Ms Gibbons’ snitch – the colleague who reported her to the authorities. Although we are generally respectful of other nations and their individual cultures, I just hope that it doesn’t escalate into some form of Islam-bashing. But when you pass such a sentence on someone seemingly innocent and apologetic, then you roll with the punches – no matter if you truly understand the reaction or not.

She is to be charged with insulting religion, inciting hatred and showing contempt for religious beliefs, after allowing her class of seven year olds to name a teddy bear ‘Mohammed’.

In the UK, Muslims live side-by-side with Jews, Christians, Buddhists, a multitude of non-believers and off-the-wall groups. They seem to get along quite nicely, thank you.

Yesterday, the Secretary-General of the Muslim Council of Britain, Dr Muhammad Abdul Bari, reacted angrily on hearing about Ms Gibbons, saying the Council was “appalled” and demanded her immediate release.

“This is a disgraceful decision and defies common sense. There was clearly no intention on the part of the teacher to deliberately insult the Islamic faith,” said Dr Abdul Bari.

He added “We call upon the Sudanese President, Omar al-Bashir, to intervene in this case without delay to ensure that Ms Gibbons is freed from this quite shameful ordeal”.

This sounds very much like a witch-hunt as letters were sent out to all the parents in September, announcing the arrival of the class bear. Yet here we are, 2 months later, and now someone complains.

At this time of year, up and down the UK, 5, 6 and 7-yr olds are rehearsing for their school Christmas Nativity plays. Little boys and girls will be dressed up in fake beards, long gowns and an array of head-wear, pretending to Arabs and singing religious-type songs … and in the centre of the stage will be a plastic doll named Jesus.

It all goes to give children a solid start in life, helping them grow up and have respect of other people and nations. 

If Ms Gibbons, as is claimed, has acted in good faith (now there’s a word to play with) and named the bear after a child in her class, then the Sudanese government should be ashamed of their actions …

… and how about stopping all that foreign aid flooding into Sudan?

If they want to act like children then they should be treated as such.