Who’s Zoomin’ Who …?

At the beginning of his/her career with SNCF (the French railways), a TGV train driver earns a monthly wage of between €2 200 and €3 200 ($3200 – $4600), ending his/her working life on a monthly wage of around €4 880 ($7000).

In addition, they each receive;

- an end of year bonus
- a working bonus (whatever that is)
- a TGV bonus
- a coal bonus (yes, you read that correctly)
- a holiday bonus
- compensation for additional hours worked
- benefits for working away from home (difficult for a bloody train driver, no?)

They work, on average, 25 hours a week (not the 35hrs advertised). For a 40-yr old train driver, his annual salary, with all bonuses included, comes to a staggering €75 000* ($109,800)

He then has to work a further 10 years at 25hrs a week with a nice fat month off during the summer season, and can take retirement on a FULL government-funded pension at €75 000* ($109,800) per annum – their last recorded salary.

Did you know that the word “customers” does not exist in SNCF language? People who take trains are called “les usagers” (the users). Hmmm. Yet they are holding the country to ransom because they feel that they are being treated unfairly. I wouldn’t normally use foul language on this blog, but **** me!

* source: Life On The Rails magazine

They Did It Their Way …

According to numerous parent associations, the British government and the Police, children should be shielded (at any expense) from those who use drugs – actors and popstars etc.

However, Britain seems to be leading the ‘popstars in the drug-limelight’ championships. Take Pete Doherty, who has appeared in court on countless occasions on drug-related charges, yet has always walked away without a suitable prison sentence. The there’s Amy Winehouse, who’s drug-infested life is over-blown and, like Doherty, constantly being branded about the news and music media.

Don’t forget, kids can read too … and they look up to these icons of their generation.

If parents seriously want to ’shield their kids’ from such bad influences, then shouldn’t the media take the first step and dumb-down their coverage?

Petit Lord Fauntleroy

In May, the French elected Nicolas Sarkozy. Why? Because they said they wanted change. So how come, just seven months into his presidency and his programme of reforms, are train drivers, public utility workers, teachers, civil servants and magistrates going on strike?

The ancient, and quite honestly, out-dated working practices of public sector workers date back to the age of steam. It allows them the privilege of working for 37.5 years and then retiring on a full state pension at the age of 50, possibly living for the next 30 years or so off the government.

During the reign of the last few presidents, the French have been living of ‘borrowing’ but the government and the national coffers can no longer take it. Sarkosy has said that if the service of a government worker were to work up to 40 years worth of service, then the repayments might just balance-up the books.

Well, the spoilt public sector workers of France don’t believe that’s the case and have decided to down tools. I spoke to a chap cycling to work and he said “The things that the train divers want are positively ridiculous. They want to be luckier than everyone else. They claim that their lot is difficult and that driving a train is hard work. It’s not. Let’s be reasonable. It was when you had to shovel coal … now that the public transport system is on strike, people who live out side of Paris simply cannot get into work, so will loose money for everyday they cannot get in. And this is fair?”

So, the metro and RER service cut to a minimum, with 2 and hour, the occasional TGV, 1 bus in 10 and road traffic chaos – especially outside the city. And the image above? Well, that’s the result of the government treating public sector workers with kid gloves for too long …

The unions expected the public to be behind them but they’re not anymore. 71% of people agree with Sarkosy’s reforms and 61% believe that the government should not back down.

In the UK and the USA, most work until the age of 65 before putting their feet up, but not here. They want it all: to work for 35-hrs a week until the age of 50 and then spend the next 30+ years doing what you want with the government paying for the bloody lot.

Bush vs Musharraf …

It has occurred to me that if Dubbya wants President Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan to take off his military uniform, then I would expect GW should stop saluting while dressed in a civilian 2-piece suit.

What’s the difference?

Yeah, yeah, we know what comes with being the Pres of the US of A …

Snorting And The Art Of Nasal Well-Being …

I’ve now had this bloody cold for a week. Just can’t seem to shake it.

Whilst in a discount price supermarket during the summer, I bought a 10-pack of pocket-sized paper tissues, thinking that they may come in handy one day. This only goes to prove that it pays to speculate.

Seven days of non-stop blockage clearance and I’m down to the last of the packets. So, as my both my patience and head were being drained, I started to think: where does all this snot come from and why on earth it it green?

Apparently, the green colour is due to immune cells called neutrophils. These cells are the first to appear when bacteria start infecting the nasopharynx. Neutrophils will engulf the bacteria (phagocytosis) and begin to destroy them within themselves using potent digestive enzymes. One of these is lactoferrin and other enzymes are dependent on iron for their activity. The iron, within, gives the colour – ferrous iron compounds are green. However, some think that its down to another powerful anti-microbial agent peroxidase. This just happens to be the same enzyme that gives wasabi its green colour.

Nice.

Bon apetit.

Why Keep A Gun In Your Car …?

You need to change a tyre on your car, so what would you normally do? That’s right children, you’d loosen the wheel nuts, jack the corresponding corner of the vehicle up, remove the wheel nuts and take the wheel off the vehicle.

Voilà … now swap the wheels.

Easy, no?

Well some redneck American is now in hospital with severe injuries after trying to do the same operation – except with a 12-bore shotgun.

The 66yr old man, who lives just outside Seattle, was working on his car outside his home when the accident happened. The final wheel ‘lug’ (as they call them) wouldn’t shift so with his trusty shotgun held at arm’s length, he blasted the wheel, peppering himself with gunshot and assorted wheel debris.

Police say that the man was working alone, and not drunk, was taken to hospital but is reportedly not in a life-threatening condition. Sadly, using the one-shell-treatment, he sustained injuries starting from his feet up through his abdomen and finishing at his chin.

A Darwin Award should be on its way to the hospital ward …

Bargain Basement …

I can’t say that I’ve ever enjoyed shopping. For me, it’s in and out. Get what I want and sprint for the checkout.

However, one of the last things Jacques Chirac (who he?) did when he left office was to improve and create closer ties with the Chinese government. To the extent that French business now has quite an extraordinary length of rope (or rein) in the People’s Republic. The latest out-crop of French consumerism to open its wings is Carrefour which has just opened its 101st hypermarket in China – Chongqing to be exact.

Knock-down bargains is one thing but when basic cooking oil rockets up more than a third in price, then something has to be done. Carrefour, the world’s 2nd biggest retailer, was to mark it’s 10th anniversary, so held a sale. Amongst which was rapeseed, at a staggering -20% off normal prices. The public were not going to miss out on that and so, as the doors opened last Friday, a stampede began, killing 3 and injuring more than 30 shoppers.

Is Sarko going to fly out and release the ‘trapped’?

Talking of which, I have it on very good authority that little Nikki has a new love in his life. Let’s just say that her surname is ‘Ferrari’ (no connection).

Watch this space as the French newspaper printing presses top-up their ink-tanks …

Bend Down For The Golden Rivet …

We’re only just into the second week of November, yet Mother Nature has plans for some of us mortals – but, hopefully, just for a short time.

I doubt that I have ever experienced such a miserable start to winter. Last week I was out in the countryside, breathing in great lung-fulls of crisp fresh air, getting plenty of exercise, scoring regular amounts of sleep and gently depositing nutritious goodies into my pie-hole. Now that’s a sentence I can be proud of.

Within 24 hours of coming back to the city, I had already contracted a nasty snotty face, a sleepless night with a kidney stone, rushed off to a clinic for an x-ray and an echo-graph, then some quack gave something to shove up my backside … for a sore throat.

Let’s deal with the snot-face first. Geez, Louise … where does it all come from? As I settled down to sleep I got the impression that some cowboy plumber had been tinkering with my hooter as it simply wouldn’t stop running – and we’re not talking a gentle drip-drip. No sir, we’re talking a full-flow downpour. Over the next 24 hours it only got steadily worse by blocking up every single tube higher than my neckline. So, lots of vitamin C and paper hankies to hand, I began to loose my hearing as I became increasingly more blocked. However, I was expelling more goop than you’d find in a nursery school playground on a January morning.

Then we move onto the events of the following night. Severe abdominal pain around 2 in the morning. No sleep from then on in. Walking bent double. Rang the doctors at 9am. “Come straight round”. He instantly gave me a pee test and confirmed that there was an xxx level of blood in my urine. He sent me straight over the road for an x-ray and an echo-graph and prescribed some painkillers and some ‘insta-dissolving’ pastilles to put under my tongue. “Don’t worry, you’ll piss it out in the next day or so”. The x-ray of my pelvis is fantastic and I may well have resolved one of this year’s Christmas present problems …

The next day, now consuming water and vitamin C, I popped into the local chemist for some some of those honey-flavoured Strepsil tablets, something to take the edge of my now rasping sore throat. They worked before, so why not again? “No, no …”, began the pharmacist, “you should be taking these – they really work!” With a knowing wink, he handed over the packet of suppositories and I handed over €5 (US $7). Imagine that, a personal endorsement from a local tradesman: “I’ve shoved them up MY arse, and they did me a power of good!” Apparently, a bullet that you push up your rectum is BETTER than an antiseptic that you suck NEXT DOOR to the infected area?

I know it could all be a lot worse but I’m getting somewhat bored of shelling out in a quiet work season.

Doctor €70
X-Ray & Echo-graph €124
Prescription €10
Suppositories €5

Grand total: € 209 (US $304)

Tomorrow, for the first time in nearly 2 years, I’m off to the UK to visit my family. A veritable picture of health stepping onto British soil … I can hardly wait to explain the portable pharmacy to the immigration people: “Now then sir, why don’t we start from the beginning, mmm?”

What’s YOUR Excuse …?

The US Stock markets has fallen sharply as the culmination of a weak dollar, soaring oil prices and the credit crisis eroded confidence.

The Dow Jones index of leading shares stumbled 360.92 points (2.6%) and banking stocks were widely sold as fears over financial problems facing Wall Street showed no signs of slowing down.

One bank in particular, Morgan Stanley, said exposure to bad sub-prime related investments had reduced its own profits by $2.5bn.

Over the weekend, Charles Prince, chairman and CEO of Citigroup, resigned his post when the bank reported a 57% drop in quarterly profits, after losses in the sub-prime mortgage market. Next, the head of Merrill Lynch, Stan O’Neal, resigned after reporting heavy losses.

And what do they put most of it down to? Accounting charges.

There must be some seriously rich accountants staggering around Manhattan belching vintage champagne fumes … and on a school night too.

Blondes Have More Work …?

Sky News, the UK-based 24hr satellite news channel, seem to have been hitting the bottle with a rush of blondes.

Could this be a management decision to dye or goodbye?

Over a course of just 12 hours viewing, a bevvy of blondes are lined up, ready to present the news. Then there’s the stable of female on-the-spot reporters.

Yup, blondes again.